I admire my mom. She's brave, truth-seeking, honest and strong. She loves to learn. She reads lots of books and likes to talk about them with people. She loves connecting with people and wants real relationships.When I was growing up, I wasn't loved in the best way. I didn't know that I was "okay", wasn't made to feel accepted 100% the way I was, or encouraged to explore and challenge myself as an unique individual. In some ways I was loved, and in some ways I was not. I didn't learn how to stand on my own 2 feet. My mom and I became enmeshed, highly dependent on each other. I sought her approval for nearly everything but despised being entangled. She tried to live out her dreams through me. I felt pressure to please her. I wasn't free, and neither was she. We learned how to communicate in the most subtle and indirect ways. As a child, my dependency on her was a coping mechanism. As an adult, it's a problem that I have to own as mine and work through.
I am working through it and so is my mom! I'm so proud of her, that she is willing to look at herself honestly and pursue the truth, even when it hurts. We are learning how to draw boundaries with each other, that it's okay if we don't share all our deepest secrets, that we need to make decisions ultimately for ourselves, and we encourage each other to become all that we were individually and uniquely created to be. It's an ongoing journey and a great joy to be discovering real relationship with my mom.
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2 comments:
Carla,
The relationship that you have with your mother (today) gives me hope. I admire your courage, and hers too.
Maybe my own mother will one day see the value in seeking the truth and maybe one day she will find that the truth will set her free also.
Meanwhile, I am really happy to see you and your mom grow together in truth and freedom.
Reading this post is somewhat like holding a fresh bunch of fragrant and beautiful flowers and breathing deeply thier perfection, never thinking beyond the wonderous moment yet knowing that it is extreemly special.
Darlene
Thank you for your words Darlene. I am continually reminded of the gift of a growing relationship with my mom... I know it is a rare one. I do hope that that will be a gift for you as well. I love your word picture... What a beautiful way of looking at all the gifts in our lives. For me, it's a gift to even be able to breathe in and enjoy the gift (though I've had to work a bit for that one too)! And it's such a joy to be able to share the journey with people like you- another gift right there.
Carla
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