Acceptance

I watched the snow fall like sifted icing sugar through the windows as I played piano at ballet tonight. I stepped outside when classes were over and the snow was sitting thickly over the sidewalks, the trees, and my car. There was a sense of peace, of "settled-ness". The sounds of the city were more muffled. It was quiet and calm.


For a while I have been trying to make something work that isn't working. I have been hopeful, "right", forceful, anguished, disappointed, angry, ambivalent, and confused. I don't want to fail. I don't want to lose something I have worked hard on. But in my heart, I have known for some time that I need to let go. Love and relationship is difficult, but difficult is different than spinning your wheels and feeling pulled backwards at the same time.


I am thankful for the good things and for all I have learnt. At times you have to let go of something in order to gain what is brimming with possibility ahead of you (which could be so many different things!). At the very least, I hope to approach these new things with a more supple ability to give and receive and a stronger sense of myself. Nothing is worth losing yourself over.