Working in the Truth

I started a new job a few months ago. I pursued this job because the business is growing in all kinds of directions and I wanted to get in on the action! I work with lots of different people- each one unique (as we all are!) I'm the receptionist/fill-in bookkeeper/administrator/collections/payroll person. I'm learning a lot and having fun for the most part. I'm also at the bottom of the "totem pole" in relation to everyone else. And to be frank, being the second woman with 6 other men in the office really solidifies me at the bottom on the ladder- not ideal, but the way it is.

I'm being continually aware of how I'm feeling at any given time or situation. I'm choosing to do this so I can grow. It's not a perfect place to be- no place is. I don't like feeling like the "little" person (someone referred to me as "little" the other day). I don't like stinky men (literally) who think it's my job to look up their doctor's phone number over the phone AGAIN because they can't remember to bring the damn number with them when they leave their house! (I'm still feeling angry about that) I don't like it when one guy chats with me when no one else is around, but as soon as another colleague comes by I'm almost invisible. I don't like my boss calling everyone else "retarded" on his cell phone (and I think I've heard the F bomb about a thousand time in these few short weeks). Yeah, there's pros and cons.

Yesterday I was more angry than usual at some little things that happened to me. I often let my emotions just SIT inside and spread around and do whatever they want. Then I'll find someone to talk to (usually my mom!) about how I'm feeling and SHE will help reel me into reality or remind me of what's true.

So this is partially a "cheers to me" post because as I was driving home yesterday I was able to speak the truth to myself. For example, if my colleague makes fun of my Norwex products (in the subtlest way...) that's okay. He isn't obligated to like my Norwex products. He's a free man. I want to give him that freedom just as I want freedom of choice for myself. That's the truth. Second, if another person chooses to walk by me and never say "hi" or even look at me or acknowledge me, that's okay too. That's reality. She isn't obligated to say hi or even like me. She can choose. I can then choose to not extend my friendliness to her either. I'm not going to shell out to her what I don't receive in return. AT THE SAME TIME- I can be hurt and angry about all these things too! Those are my feelings! They are true as well. Of course I should be hurt if someone never acknowledged me- I'm a valuable human being who deserves to be acknowledged! So it's a two part process- accepting the reality/truth of how I feel about the situation, and then accepting the reality/truth about what I can or cannot do about it and continue on my way without wasting precious energy obsessing about what I cannot change.

Oh, and I also really stood up to my boss the other day. In the moment, he balked at me and kept exclaiming "you're the WORST!" (I was asking to be reimbursed for driving to the bank for him for goodness sake!!!!!) Then I found out later that he told a colleague that he really admired how much I'm learning to stand up for myself around the office... :) I'm proud of myself too.