Grace in Growing

There's a truth that keeps speaking to me, and each time it comes around it gets a bit louder. In my process of growing, I keep imagining what I will be in the future. I imagine these great things... In doing this, 2 things happen-I overwhelm myself (I need to work on living in the moment and taking the pressure off myself...), and I also feel afraid. What if, in all the struggles I go through, I give up? What if I stop growing and learning? This fear is a strong one for me.

Just this week, I realized again that this is just simply not true about me. I think about my life, my past, all the searching I have done, all that I have learnt and how I have grown, even when I wasn't trying to. The truth is that this is part of who I am. (I believe it's part of who everyone is!) I am finding so much freedom in this truth - all my anxiety about it not being true actually just makes growing harder. Yesterday I talked with myself and decided that I would let myself be who I am and where I'm at. Growing does take work and a lot of conscious effort. But I believe that the more we learn to focus on the truth, the less striving our growing will take. Jesus said his burden is light... I take that to mean that the kind of growing we can do in the truth, though it does at times take great effort, is not the slogging, heart-waning kind of work that we do when we're labouring under a lie about who we are (for example, I could think: "I'm so selfish- I really need to work hard at not being selfish." That's heavy work. Instead, I could pursue the truth about why I find it hard to give of myself, which could open up a whole new world to me about why my heart hurts and who I really truly am.)

Along the lines of growing in this knowledge of who I am, I used to believe it's selfish to think too much about yourself. I don't believe this anymore! I will spend as much time as I need to get to know myself. Each one of us is unique- we all have our own ways of contributing and impacting our world. Sometimes I have an eye-to-eye with myself in the mirror and say, "You are incredible. I can't wait to find out what it is you are going to do!" I hear love songs and I sing them to myself- it's a tool I choose to use to rub in the truth. Imagine this (because it's true)- you are a one of a kind person in this world. You have a unique combination of capabilities that no one else has! It's worth it to get to know yourself as well as you can! The rewards are getting to know the gift of you, AND being able to offer this gift to others and the world as well. It's not just self-serving- it's the most generous way to live.