I've been simmering with the idea of "following my heart" and recently my angst about what the heck that means for me has reached a boiling point! About two weeks ago I was about ready to quit everything and find some piddly job that didn't expect me to feel anything at all- zero expectations. Then I convinced myself that I could probably at least hold out teaching until April. I was pretty sure I was going to quit in April... Then last week teaching went really well and I thought to myself, "Hey, maybe I could do this again next year..."Tonight as my student and her mom prepared to leave my studio, her mom was saying how she was going for an interview tomorrow and possibly switching jobs. "It's kind of fun to keep the possibilities open; it's nice to have a change," she said. "Yeah, I think all of us think that way from time to time," I said (oops). "But," she jumped in warmly, "YOU would never be thinking of that, I'm sure!" These moments agonize my super-honest nature... "Oh, well (nervous laugh) not really, ha ha! But, well, yeah, sometimes I do, I guess! (laugh) Oh, yeah... (sigh)."
The thought of people being heart-broken if I quit teaching has great affect on me... Oh dear drifting soul... I feel a stranger in a purpose driven world. I read these companionable thoughts of Buechner this morning: "It seems to me now that a power from beyond time was working to achieve its own aim through my aimless life in time as it works through the lives of all of us and all our times."
I was also humored to learn today that "cats help relieve tension by spending 30% of their waking hours grooming themselves." I like that. Inspirational felines.
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Oh Carla, You can have my job when I leave (hopefully) this summer! You get to do tedious tasks that are indispensible to the workings of the company. Your mind can wander, and you can store up your creative energies, while being a valued and necessary part of the "Whole." :)
But seriously, don't add pressure yourself. You're a smart and creative woman of faith. I'm confident that Jesus will pluck you up and place you exactly where He wants you to be. Maybe you should just take some time this summer to do something completely different, fast, pray, BREATH and LIVE. Go for little day trips to Banff with your friend Anna! She would also enjoy going to the folk fest and Shakespear in the Park with you as well! :)
Well I know that as I have been interviewing with many churches over the last few months I have thought more then once that flipping burgers somewhere would be so simple and so easy and so nice. I know that I would never do it but its nice to think of doing a job that dosnt really matter. No one depending on you. No one expecting big things from your work. In the end I know that its simply the lure of complacency. I sat about a week ago with a job offer from a church in my lap that would be very easy to take. They expected little and simply wanted someone to keep things running. Man how easy that would be. Then the words of U2's song vertigo came to my head. You know Christ was temped by satan to take all the land and nations as his own. People have ideas of what this ment but to me its clear. He just said look how easy thigns would be you dont have to die just rule these lands and live your life. It was that line from Vertigo that came to my mind. "All of this can be your". We will always have the temptation to do little in life but neither you or I will ever take the bait because we have had a taste of the differance you can make in a life when you are willing to invest your time in thier life. So when my mind drifts there thats what I see in my mind. Satan right there offering me the fry scooper at McDonalds.
Hey check out the blog entry "christian-v-christ follower at faithagain.com thats the video I thought you would get a kick out of.
is that your cat?
Hey Andrewman! No,not my cat. I only owned cats when I was really young and saw many of them become roadkill... I don't have great fondness for them. :):) Thanks for the satan imagery. I'll keep that in mind... Quite provocative. I think you're right- the easy road is not always the most rewarding.
Annasoprana- I'd love to hang out this summer! I will try and take your suggestions to heart. I've got a couple ideas already (but won't share them here as they may change and then I'll look even more aimless than I've already confessed to being...)
Thanks Pat... I like the "not yet" sentiments- resting in that feels good.
What's wrong with aimless jobs????
I wouldn't say anything's really wrong with aimless jobs. I think it's all about how you feel about your's. So, if you love your aimless job (so called), then you're fulfilling a desire to enjoy your job. :) Nothing wrong with that at all.
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