Thoughts on Giving

I haven't posted for a long while! I guess my soul needed some of its own time, and for someone learning to tend to her soul, it was a good idea to listen. It's a very cold day with some snowflakes falling. A Sunday. Just ate lunch with a good friend (eggs, toast, grapefruit, dark rich coffee with cream and honey- mmm MMMM!) and talked about interesting things. I think the world becomes alive as much as we become alive. As much as we learn what life really is.

We talked about giving. I've often heard a common spin on giving, mostly in Christian circles, that goes like this: "God has given to us, so we should then give to others." This train of thought puzzles me now, or at very least doesn't appeal to my soul. I think the idea works like this: God pours good things into our lives (like water poured into a bucket) and because we are poured into from God, we should then pour what is in our bucket to others around us. From one bucket to another. So I think I do understand the "mechanics" of it. And I think I used to believe this myself. But now I'm not really convinced that this is the kind of life and giving that Jesus wanted to show us.

It feels too "one dimensional" to me. It's too flat, mechanical. Something is missing. I think I like the basic idea, that life ultimately comes from God and that we can share this life with each other. But to paint it as a simple exchange of something is unsatisfying to me, an exchange of water from one bucket to another. We are filled and then we empty ourselves, and then we have to ask God to fill us again so that we can empty ourselves again. I think some people believe this is what worship in church is all about. We gather to be filled with warm feelings from God and then we can go out and make a difference in the world by showing these warm feelings to others (ooo, was that a little harsh?...) But how does this cultive real lasting life? Not to mention that some of us have so many holes in our buckets that it takes an extraordinary amount of work to keep the cycle going!

Jesus talked to the woman at the well and said that he came to give us life that would spring up from inside of us, like a well that would never run dry. That is amazing. To live like Jesus did can cause a well of real living water to actually become alive in me. I don't know exactly how this works. But there's something in the mysterious giving of God that is more than just a simple exchange to pass on to someone else. What he freely gives us is something that takes on a life of its own... a spring of "water" within that will naturally pour out to those around us. The more we tend to the life inside of ourselves- finding out who we are, finding out what love really is, not giving out of compulsion or in an effort to patch up the holes in our own buckets with good works- the more real life takes over, makes its home in us, and spills over to help others find their inner and unique "springs of eternal life." Like the saying about teaching someone to fish, it's teaching others to have the water of life for a lifetime rather than just giving them some water for a moment. It's a kind of giving that naturally multiplies itself, not a one time exchange.

So, I speak ambiguously about "tending to the life inside of us" and "finding out who we really are"... :) How did Jesus show us what that means? Well, I'm on my own journey of finding out what this means and answers twinkle at me here and there but not all at once. I've asked a question lately. When Jesus washed his disciples' feet, was it merely an act of service? A one time "exchange" of kindness? Or did everything he do have a deeper meaning to it? (I kind of think so!) One thing I'm learning at this point in my journey is that everyone is equal. No one is better than me, and I have no need of "grovelling" for affirmation from someone I see as superior. What if Jesus was trying to say the same thing? That even though he was their teacher and rabbi, washing their feet wasn't something "below" him. In doing so, he wasn't making them more valuable or himself less valuable. Because he believed in equality, his act of "service" was truly a gift. It wasn't meant to make them superior or himself inferior, or vice versa... He genuinely wanted to care for them and he toppled the natural ranking system of teachers being superior to their students. His act of kindness was one thing- and it probably made the disciples feel nice for a moment. But teaching them the underlying principle of equality was a lesson that could grow in their lives forever and, if they embraced it, would spill over into the lives of those they treated in the same fashion. A fundamental change in their belief system that would create new pathways for water to flow and create real life and freedom.

Better end here for now. Lots of words- hopefully they say something meaningful. As always, I love reading your thoughts and feedback. I hope you're all keeping warm wherever you are.