I think in my growing up years, for the most part, the church (or the devil or hell-fearing/heaven-fearing people?) effectively taught me one main emotion- guilt. To my sensitive preception, all other emotions were successfully swept up as "bad"- pride, envy, anger, depression, excessive joy (unless towards God), excessive anything. Instead of teaching me how to live and deal with these emotions as a part of being human, they became branded to me as wrong altogether, and I learned to feel guilt as my one main emotion in reponse to all the others. And so the reconstruction and rediscovery begins...Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Permission to Speak Freely...
I think in my growing up years, for the most part, the church (or the devil or hell-fearing/heaven-fearing people?) effectively taught me one main emotion- guilt. To my sensitive preception, all other emotions were successfully swept up as "bad"- pride, envy, anger, depression, excessive joy (unless towards God), excessive anything. Instead of teaching me how to live and deal with these emotions as a part of being human, they became branded to me as wrong altogether, and I learned to feel guilt as my one main emotion in reponse to all the others. And so the reconstruction and rediscovery begins...
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Oh Carla...so true, so true. How easily we forget that Christ came to "set the captive free;" and that he came that "we might have life, and that it might be life abundant!" I remember when I left Prairie, I had to go through a process of completely seperating myself from the church for a time so that I could get to know God from scratch, without everyone around telling WHO He is and HOW I should relate to him and WHAT is considered acceptable by Him, etc.... This kind of influence, as you say, totally creates an atmosphere of guilt! There becomes a perscriptions for everything from worship, to prayer, to the number of "ministry related" activities one must be involved in inorder to be seen as righteous!! Only certain spiritual gifts were validated, and the very core of the human experience was condemned - because that is where the strongest emotions and deepest questions lie, so... the legalistic church, motivated by fear and pride, labels the activities of the deepest soul level as "bad." Why is this?? I really don't know why there is such fear and opposition to authentic, raw passion; to questions that we may never be able to answer in this life time? Why are they afraid of this? Is it because these strong feelings or questions cannot be controlled? I see no example of a devoted man (or woman) of God in the Bible who did not feel anger, or grief, or pain. These were deeply passionate people who embrassed all emotions as being part of the human experience, and therefore part of God's image. Strong emotion is not sin! These heros of the Bible were not afraid to ask God some pretty hard questions! That is part of the freedom we have been granted as Children of the King - heirs of Heaven.
Needless to say, as I have discovered the true heart of our Father, I have become more content and confident with my identity - because it is all wraped up in Him. I'm glad you are on this journey. I believe it is one that lasts a life-time, as there will always be external voices seeking to torture the sensitive places of our souls. Sorry that I got a bit "rant-ish" in what was supposed to be a simple comment. You have touched on a topic that I feel very strongly about, as large sevings of guilt were also a big part of my growing-up experience. You are a wonderfully insightful woman, and I always appreciate what you have to say.
And I always appreciate what you have to say. :) It's a blessing to be a on the journey with you. I've been thinking of you lately, by the way! I'm going down to Lethbridge this weekend to hear Andrew sing. Maybe I'll see you there! If not there, hopefully sometime else soon.
Hi Carla, I saw this little slogan today and thought of you. Maybe you should relate this to your old church leaders!! hahaha
I dialed a number and got the following recording:
"I am not available right now, but
Thank you for caring enough to call.
I am making some changes in my life.
Please leave a message after the Beep.
If I do not return your call…
You are one of the changes."
Ha ha ha! That's pretty funny! I can see the relevance... Sometimes you gotta "know when to walk away..." :) Love you Heather (I won't be doing that to you!)
So what is guilt? I think guilt is basically the negative feeling we get by committing some kind of "sin" towards ourselves or others. Furthermore, the guilt we feel individually will vary by our own personal value we put on various "sins". This is all very real in our society as feelings of guilt can lead to serious emotional problems such as anger and depression. What to do? Love. Forgive. Believe. Trust. Hope. Push away religion and follow Christ. Control in the form of "negative" checks and balances will only keep one in a state of paranoia and fear. Live and learn and don't be afraid to live and learn. Do we ask Christ for direction and then doubt where we're going?
I would encourage you to remove the word "guilt" from your vocabulary completely. There is no need for it in our lives. Screwing up and doing the wrong thing will never stop. It's what we do the next time that matters, not so much how we feel about it the first time. What do you think? Trav
Hm, interesting thoughts. Yeah, I think I agree that guilt basically comes from the "negative checks and balances" way of living. I guess for me, the simplest way I'd define it is this fundamental feeling of never being good enough and feeling ashamed of that, which is probably rather realistic. But the more I accept this other wild fact that Christ has taken care of that and I can live graciously in my fragile-ness, the more I can let go of that sense of guilt and embrace freedom. For me, it's a process. Learning to live graciously... I like the idea of not having guilt in my vocabulary at all. :)
I will graciously pose a toast to a life void of guilt! But wait... what does that mean for guilty pleasures? Hahaha! I now pose a toast to a life full of pleasure!
I watched a movie called The Secret. It's all about the law of attraction and how we can direct our lives by our thoughts (our thoughts being magnets to people, places, money, things, ect...) One thing that has stood out the most from the film is how our thoughts affect our feelings and disposition. If we spend our time thinking about what we want and not about what we don't want, or thinking about where we want to be and not where we're at, life gets sweeter, naturally. Oh yes, and first place to start is to be thankful for everything. Everything! It's a little new-agey, I know, but yoga hasn't killed anyone yet! (or has it?!) :P
Travis
In case you read this. Where did you find the movie the secret? I have been wanting to see that film and read the book. So how did you get it?
Heather
PS Sorry Carla that I am using your blog to contact Travis!! haha
So true that we can be taught to supress some emotions and overemphasize others - I love the stories where Jesus is pouring out in emotion - all his emotions.
Travis, how cool that you're writing on my blog. :) I've never read your writing before- you should start a blog of your own! (or you can totally feel free to keep writing on mine- up my ratings). I've never heard of a "death by yoga", though it does create some intriguing images in my head... :) Yes, the life of the mind is an interesting and powerful thing. I like how you said, "life gets sweeter, naturally". Very cool. And being thankful for everything- not always easy for me, but also a powerful way to live. It's been nice talking with you on here!
Heather - You can order The Secret here.
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